Friday, July 08, 2005

I've been blown up by a better class of bastard than this.. 

Allow me to stop [heavy sarcasm] burning with "terror, panic and fear" long enough to share this with you. Received via email: (Updated: More from the original message)

First New York, then Madrid, then London. I certainly won't be visiting Paris or Moscow for a while as the bombers are clearly picking off cities who wish to hold the 30th Olympics.

I am sure it was Osama Bin Laden, because he is a spoilt rich cunt who has never ever been on the tube or a bus in his life, and therefore does not know that it is already a fucking awful experience riding on public transport. I know Osama lives in a hole or a cave now but he travels around on a litter carried by dwarves, with outriders on bejeweled camels and very expensive tanks and spy planes, and probably quite enjoys his daily trip to work. He does not have an oyster card, the cunt.

Those terrorists are fucking losers, do they not know that blowing people up in a shitty place has far less impact than blowing them up in a pub, like the IRA used to do, or maybe blowing up a video game arcade, or a cricket match? If you really want to piss people off, terrorists, blow them up and spoil their fun, do not "spoil" their commute as commuting is very shit and boring anyway.

I am quite sure that these low- quality terrorists planned for all the bombs to go off at the same time, at Kings Cross station, for a huge great walloping exploding terror attack.

Those trains were all heading in the direction of King's Cross and so was the bus, and the bombs all went off fairly close together. Imagine a sick and evil version of Guy Fawkes night, with two circle line trains colliding in flames, effectively blocking the exit of the whole station (as the circle line is nearest to the surface. A few minutes later the Piccadilly line train (deep,deep down) explodes, sandwiching all the passengers in a blazing pit, reminding all London of the terrible fire at Kings cross ages and ages ago (Fuck off I am not looking up when).

Finally a bus arrives outside the station and bursts in two littering the pavement with carcasses and metal shards as flames billow out from the earth racking up a far, far bigger death toll than the one they have actually achieved.

Now that all the good terrorists are either rotting in hell after 9/11, in jail having their fingernails pulled out or hiding like pathetic rats, Osama has to ask people who are deeply ungifted at bombing. Any terrorist worth his salt would not use fucking London Transport to get bombs into the same place, would they. For Fuck's sake! What cretins. Terrorists are losing their panache. Shock and awe my arsehole. C minus, you useless terrorist cunts.

Fucking Amateur Night, wasn't it? He's right. Cretins.

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