Saturday, July 30, 2005

Evil Glenn and the Blogcrawl: A Filthy Lie 

The alarm clock glowed softly. Three in the morning. What had woken me from my drunken slumber? Ah, thirst. Thirst and, nausea. Well that wasn't surprising considering...

Vowing never to drink alcohol again, I reached blindly for my cup of water. Oh, sweet nectar... I took a large gulp.


I made it to the bathroom with seconds to spare. Amidst the sound of my heaving, I became aware of a faint chuckle coming from the darkened hallway. An oddly familiar chuckle..

"Evil Glenn! You utter bastard. What was in that cup? Blended puppy?"

"Oh, no. Indeed, not. Do you think I would waste it? I was merely trying to do you a favor. You were asleep, and the blogcrawl is going on without you."

Clearly, Evil Glenn's perception of time and space had become deeply warped during the last 212 years of his life, so I didn't bother trying to explain.

"But why did you try to poison me, Glenn? If it wasn't.. then.. Oh! You switched cups didn't you? That was the leftover wine from last night that I was too sick to finish, and you made me drink it when I was half asleep! You monster!"

"That's bartender, to you. And it's not as if I'm the first person to pull that stunt, is it? Hmm? Remember your ex?"

I'd forgotten about that. I hoped he hadn't pissed in my bathwater, and come to think of it, where was my toothbrush?

"How do you manage to cross the Atlantic, Glenn? You're always here giving me grief. I thought large bodies of water were right out for your sort?"

"Oh, I use The Underground. Not your puny London network. I would look too suspicious. It's the opera cloak that does it, I think. Plus, my complexion is kind of sallow... No. I use this system. Much more efficient.

"Wonderful. Now if you would kindly piss off and let me get to the fridge.."

"You call that a fridge? Why it's hardly big enough to store even one hobo! And how on earth do you manage without internet access? You want to get yourself one of these.

In fact, I'm off to join the blogcrawl myself. I can post and puree simultaneously with this baby. I'll just make sure I've woken your daughter, and I'll be off. Happy hangover! Hahahahaha!"

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