Friday, May 27, 2005

The BBC are no fun at all. 

US probes Viagra 'blindness risk.

It's crying out to be titled, "Your Mother was right! It can make you go blind."

Although, to be fair, the word, "probe" is always something I find amusing.

UPDATE: VW pointed me towards a very silly story reported by the BBC today. I particularly liked the caption to this picture:

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"Kitchen knives can inflict appalling wounds."

Perhaps I've judged the BBC too harshly.

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Thursday, May 26, 2005

This film, I'd love to see.. 

More Darwinism in action:

Star Wars fans burnt by petrol-filled 'light sabre'

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Monday, May 23, 2005

Twisted by the Dark Side, young Sally has become.. 

I have never played a role playing computer game. All those stats. I don't think so. However, since Alex's disappearance from the blogosphere into the virtual world that is Kal On line, I've adopted a "if you can't beat 'em" mentality. Having said that, it's totally addictive. I've become quite attached to my character, and would be most displeased to find myself being eaten by a tiger.

Thanks to my dearest, and a very nice Danish bloke, I've acquired top level armour, and a kick-ass bow. Last night I went from level 1 to level 10, merrily killing demons without sustaining a scratch. The Danish guy has an assassin's mask, and it was quite funny standing chatting to him as other players fled in terror!

But this being me, I still haven't got the hang of basic things. Like navigation. The website gives you maps, and granted, I'm sure they're very good maps. Unless you live in my head. A 2D aerial map is of no use to me whatsoever. And the mouse-control. It's taking me a long time to get used to.

So, if you play this, or know someone who does, look out for the archer with the expensive kit who keeps running into walls, and getting stuck and/or lost. Completely clueless, but with superior firepower!

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Saturday, May 21, 2005

Luxury Bath Stuff 

The thing is.. if I smell of wine, will Evil Glenn have to murder me?

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Friday, May 20, 2005

Karnival of the Kidz 

This is me at an age where I was too young to resist my mother's styling efforts. What has she done to my hair?!

It was taken in a photo booth. Only *I* could be pictured falling off the bloody stool!

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It's shame the third photo got damaged. I'm on the floor in that one, and all you can see is the top of my head.

This week's gracious hostess is Susie, of Practical Penumbra.

Entries to karnival(dot)kidz(at)gmail(dot)com

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Those Bleedin' Kids! 

I'm expecting a call from Social Services. Really. I wouldn't blame them for checking up on us at all.

Last night at around midnight Tara got one of her nosebleeds. She was hopping up and down all night, bleeding all over the place. Alex got up with her at 5am, and as she was still losing blood, we decided not to send her to school. I called them, and they were fine, being used to seeing Tara make appearances with band-aids and gauze holding the clot in.

By ten, a clot was forming, so I let her get up off of the couch, and drag her toys out. All of them. I didn't care about the mess. I just needed her to be quietly occupied, and not leaping around as per usual. Within minutes, the house is a wreck. Do I care? I'm still in my Pj's, as I haven't been too well myself, but this is fine. I do some work with her, and it's nice to have a chance to do it.

She's tired, and has one nostril completely clogged up. I don't dare remove the clot just yet. Her face and body are a mess: Dried blood, (sorry Bou!), marker pen, glue...I'm not sure this clot is going to hold, so I put off bathing her until after lunch.

Lunch. In this house, canned hot dogs are a treat, so she gets two, with wholemeal rolls, tomatoes, yellow peppers and cucumber. She gamely eats some pineapple, too. So far, so good. I give her a packet of potato chips as a further treat. Tara's not too bothered about these, because she's playing "dress up".

I'm in the bathroom when I hear a knock at the door. It's a man come to read our gas / electricity meter. He's let in by a naked, marker-pen-stained, slightly bleeding, bruised-all-over child who really should be at school. And the unfortunate child's mother is still in her pajamas.

There are toys everywhere. It looks like she was only given potato chips for lunch. She is filthy, and I'm looking exactly as if I was up all night smoking crack, given my bloodshot eyes and mad hair.

I can't believe she opened the door. After all we've told her! Oh, the shame..

If you've had a similar experience, I'd love to hear about it.

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Boudicca has kindly inspired me, with this post about Robert Frost. Thank you, sis!

My University degree was an Honours course in English and Education, and it had a poetry component. I remember one lecturer telling us that it wasn't always necessary to look for alternative meanings behind the literal words the poet had chosen. Sometimes, a poem is great just in it's craft. In the imagery used, and in it's structure.

However, we had another lecturer who was intent on carving up every single line. He was the sort of man you only find in English Universities. You really couldn't imagine him coping in the real world! Anyway, we're looking at this poem about a woman who has just given birth. I think it was Plath. My group consisted of a great many mature students. Women who had kids. They were the ultimate realists, and would often try to bring our professor down to earth.

So we get to this phrase: "Cow heavy in my floral nightgown". The first part struck a real chord with the group. Anyone who has suffered the indignity of leaky breasts can relate to that. So they're freaking this poor, sensitive academic guy out with graphic descriptions, and I'm laughing my arse off. Then he tries to continue.

"So the use of the adjective, floral. Why has the poet chosen this particular word? What does it represent?"

Quick as a flash, someone replies, "It's all you can get! They don't make any other type of maternity stuff, Professor."

I loved those people!

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Monday, May 16, 2005

It's Arrived! 

The Karnival of the Kidz is up at Boudicca's Voice!

Be sure to stop by and congratulate my blogsis, Boudicca, on a job well done.

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Friday, May 13, 2005

KotK # 4 

I suppose I should really be grateful that my mother's fashion sense rubbed off on Tara:

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Especially given that early indications suggest she was headed for the Dutch Gay Scene!

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This week's hostess is Blogsister Boudicca, of Boudicca's Voice, who also did a wonderful job with this week's Carnival of the Recipes!

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Sick. Wrong. Hilarious! 

Remember the "Love Is.." series?

Bachem Macuno has some recently captioned images. Here's one:

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The rest are HERE. Depends Where You Work Safe!

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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

On a Good Day.. 

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..they all have their heads, and limbs intact...

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KotK # 3 

The third Karnival of the Kidz is UP at Prochein Amy!

She's done a fantastic job. Please go over and take a look.

Click HERE for all your one-stop cuteness needs!

Next week's kind hostess is Boudicca. Entries to karnival(DOT)kidz(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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Sunday, May 08, 2005


Well, perhaps...

Due to a lack of date on my first post, I have arbitrarily decreed that this, May 9th, shall be my bloggiversary.

To my wonderful Blogfamily, and Friends, I say a big "Thank You", for all the laughter, smiles and support you've given me over the past year.

It's been a privilege to be in touch with so many great people. I can only hope I've been as good an ambassador of my country as you have of yours.


Here's to many more!

Enjoy the Fireworks!

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Top Notch, Old Chap! 

Sir Peter Maxwell's new look is jolly spiffing, what?

Don't miss "An Unwanted Bastard Child". Rotten luck, Sir!

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Friday, May 06, 2005

KotK # 3: When Doting Grandmothers Attack! 

Tara was the first Grandchild. A girl, and a fairly pretty one, at that (Apart from the baldness) Consequently, I was inundated with gifts of clothes. Not the sort of comfortable, practical clothes that I liked to dress her in. Oh no. The fussier, the better. Practically every day, my Mother would come with something new, which she would be politely thanked for, God love her...and the Frilly Monstrosities would hang in the closet until they were outgrown.

Within a few weeks, my Mum cottoned on to the fact that I wasn't about to dress my daughter up like a doll. Hell, I never even liked dolls when I was little. So she craftily took to keeping these items at her own house.

Here's Tara at two months. August. Heatwave. The first time my parents babysat her. See how cool she looks?

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And here's the sight that greeted my eyes when I came to collect her:

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Christ Almighty!

Talk about a Tricked-Out Baby!

The next KotK Hostess is Prochein Amy. Entries to Karnival(DOT)Kidz(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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Monday, May 02, 2005

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It's our second, and we've had another wonderful turnout this week. Thank you all so much for your stories and pictures!

As a courtesy to our previous hostess, first up is VW, of One Happy Dog Speaks. The young VW obviously had a premonition that one day her Seventies clothing may be mocked, so she sensibly opted for nothing at all.

Here, Harvey treats us to a picture of his sister washing out his mouth with soap. Another premonition at work, perchance? I suspect that Harvey has also been sneakily posting his baby-pics on other sites, after I came across this:

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The fabulously named, Oddybobo, of Boboblogger, presents her blue-eyed boy. Be warned. It's an "ovary-pinger!"

Jody, of Iowa Geek shares her husband's beautifully-written tribute to new beginnings. Pictures of the gorgeous Brenna-Clare are here.

Army Wife, Toddler Mom has captioned these photos of her Little Angels. Aren't they alike?

Susie, at Practical Penumbra has one of the funniest pictures I've ever seen! It's her newest niece.

More Funny Stories:

The Deputy Headmistress at The Common Room has kids who really need to go to bed, and Tinker, of The Secret Life of Shoes, shares the results of a science project gone wrong. Yikes!

The Eponymous Jennifer, of Jennifer's World sent photographic evidence of how much her children really love each other. Between fights, that is..

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I'll bet she wishes she gets a dollar for every time someone says, "those eyelashes are wasted on a boy!"

Carnival-Meister, Ferdinand T. Cat of The Conservative Cat is justifiably proud. I wish I had a natural talent for working with computers, instead of a natural talent for breaking them...

Next up is Amy, of Prochein Amy, with a picture of herself as a kid. What a smile!

As an extra-special entry, we have Amy's Mom, Primodonna's, very first blog post! Great story.

Jeff, the Ponytailed Conservative, sends this lovely story, and picture. Beautiful..

Pam, of CampHappyBadFun has a picture of her sweet Natie. Don't you love the way happiness just shines out of those eyes?

Boudicca, of Boudicca's Voice, links back to this hilarious tale of Pungent Piggies. I wonder if I should buy shares in Gold bond Foot Powder?

I can't be sure, but I think this picture is the result of a play date Contagion and Grau had at T1G's house when they were babies. Who knows?

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My (late) entry is here, and that's all for this week! If I missed your entry, or your link doesn't work, let me know at karnival(DOT)kidz(AT)gmail(DOT)com, and I'll fix it ASAP.

Prochein Amy has kindly volunteered to be next week's hostess. Boudicca will be presenting KOTK # 4. Thank you, ladies! The next spot is up for grabs, so if you're interested, drop us a line at the address above, and we'll get some sort of rota set up!

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Shoemaker's Children Are Never Shod. 

I've been hard at work on this week's Karnival, and have neglected to post my own entry until now. It's another two-parter. Here's young Sally at the beach. No prizes for guessing the decade!

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And just to confuse you, here's Tara. As you can see, we're a bit behind the times, in England!

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(Click to enlarge. My daughter appears to be missing a foot! When I think how much that session cost..)

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