Friday, March 04, 2005

Evil Glenn's Rehab: A Filthy Lie 

The small hospital room was filled with cigarette smoke. The group sat, horrified, as Evil Glenn came to the end of his long, sad, story:

Evil Glenn: I've hit rock bottom. I'm drinking twenty pints a night, and I know I need help.

Group Leader; Uh, Mr Reynolds? I'm not sure we can help. You see, the purpose of this meeting is to discuss giving blood...

Evil Glenn: Aw crap!

He stalked out, stopping only to steal some fresh AB negative and pour it into his new Pimp Cup.

Things weren't going well for Evil Glenn. In a rare act of charity, he'd opened a private sanatorium for the criminally insane; Lawyers who work for free. And not one of the poor souls had been rehabilitated to the point of working on the Jackson case.

Evil Glenn needed some cheer. So he called me up:

Evil Glenn: How're your Dead Pool results going?

Me: Well I'm not very happy about you opening a drug rehab clinic in Thailand! Pete Doherty wasn't on my list this year, as you well know.

Evil Glenn: As his doctor, I felt he'd made enough progress to spend some time in Bangkok..

Me: Where, of course, he wouldn't be able to get his hands on any drugs. No, not a one.

Evil Glenn:...before flying back to London. Incidentally, did he use a plane, or just fly home himself?

Me: Very funny.

Evil Glenn: I heard Kate Moss dumped him. Pity. A couple of weeks on her diet would've finished him off for good. Mwuhahahaha!

Me: You're such a comedian.

Evil Glenn: That's "counselor" to you!


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