Thursday, February 03, 2005

Evil Glenn's Garbage - A Filthy Lie 

I decided to spend a nice day out in the country watching the Sheepdog Trials. Just as the event was about to get underway, an imposing figure in a tweed top hat and opera cloak stalked into the paddock. "All Rise", it intoned, in a solemn, officious manner.

Sally: Evil Glenn! What are you doing at the sheepdog trials?

Evil Glenn: Counsel for the Prosecution. Bring in the defendants!

Sally: These dogs aren't on trial as such. I think you've got the wrong end of the stick...

Evil Glenn: Stick? Oh yes, indeed. I am holding the wrong end! Do you have something I can wipe this congealing blood from my hand with?

Sally: How on earth did you find a hobo to murder in the countryside? This is England's green and pleasant land, and all that! I know that shifty look of yours...

Evil Glenn: Well... I got him on a technicality. A tent is a shelter, not a dwelling. Does it have an address? No!

Sally: You've killed a camper? That's horrible!

Evil Glenn: So, about this trial. You do realise how expensive my fees are?

Sally: Well, it's more of a test, really. Like this.

Evil Glenn: My law-school application! How did you get hold of that?

Sally: I found it in your garbage.

Evil Glenn: Impossible! Castle Glenn is impenetrable.

Sally: Oh, I'm not talking about your Fortress of Evil. I got this from that little apartment you used to rent. You left all your garbage in plain sight.

Evil Glenn: Not the one with those damn nosy, meddling neighbours?

Sally: The very same. I knew immediately that it was you who'd lived there. Feathers in the fridge? Why?

Evil Glenn: Well...it helps keep 'em, uh, perky, you know?

Sally: No I don't know, you depraved bastard! And the filthy mattress on the floor surrounded by junk?

Evil Glenn: That isn't junk! Those things are, erm, souveniers...

Sally: Of?

Evil Glenn: Look. Don't blame me for the stuff my temporary guests brought with them!

Sally: So why keep it? You're a liar, Glenn!

Evil Glenn: That's liar to you!

Sally: So I forgot the italics. Sue me.

Evil Glenn: Don't think I won't try. Speaking of which, Case dismissed! Give me an address where I can invoice you for my time.

Sally: No!

Evil Glenn: Indeed? Any particular reason...?

Oh, that terrible, terrible man. I gave him The Munchkin's details and fled the scene.

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