Friday, January 28, 2005

Evil Glenn's Weather Control - A Filthy Lie 

Harvey thinks Evil Glenn may be controlling the weather.

But I have proof!



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Saturday, January 22, 2005

More from ImageShack 


Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

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Evil Glenn's Sidekick? 

Cloak and all...

Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

Shrek Day 

Oh, we had fun at school today... Can you sense the enthusiasm yet?

Our children were invited to dress as a character from the movie, or "just in green!" for this fundraiser.

Hello? It was fine for the boys, with their combat pants etc...and the sisters of boys, but what was I to dress Tara as?

Oh, sod it, I thought. She can wear her Barbie Princess and the Pauper dress. It turned out that quite a few Moms had the same idea, so that wasn't the problem. Oh no. The problem came when I was in her classroom getting her changed this morning, and a certain little boy all dressed in green said:

"You don't look like Princess Fiona! She has a green dress. I'm Shrek! I've got a mask!"

To which she replied:

"My Daddy told me you wouldn't need one"

Hahahahaha! Hahahahaha! "Fair Play", as we say here.

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Evil Glenn goes Robbing: A Filthy Lie 

It was the middle of the night when the phone rang:

Sally: Who the f.. Hello?

Evil Glenn: Hi! Have you recently had an accident which was not your fault?

Sally: All my accidents have been my fault. You'll not satisfy your avid thirst for leeching through me!

Evil Glenn: Who is this? I thought I was calling Thailand!

Sally: Glenn! Surely you're not...

Evil Glenn: Oh, indeed! I'm bringing a lawsuit against God. Millions of them in fact.

Sally: Well who's to say it was an Act of God? It sounds more like the work of The Other Guy, if you ask me.

Evil Glenn: Hmmm...maybe I should be representing God in a defamation case instead.

Sally: So you want to sue insurance companies worldwide for libel against The Almighty? Can't you just do something slightly naughty, and preferably funny because, um... for no reason really...nothing to do with Harvey of course. Just a suggestion...

Evil Glenn: Heh. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Or not. Good luck with your latest assignment! Bwhahahaha!


A few days later, I found some particularly "interesting" offers on eBay, so I called him up:

Sally: I know what your game is, Reynolds!

Evil Glenn: So what do you think? Beats stealing bicycles and the change out of the McDonalds collection boxes doesn't it?

Sally: Auctioning Harvey's new leather sofa? That's a bit tame...

Evil Glenn: His wife was on it at the time. Plus, I've yet to sell the specialist accessories it came with.

Sally: And T1G's car? I take it you committed the theft when he was indisposed?

Evil Glenn: Better that than his apartment!

Sally: Now that's just plain silly.

Evil Glenn: Are you sure you don't want to make a bid? I'm planning on stealing Boudicca's Voice next!

Sally: No!

Evil Glenn: Ogre's Politics and Views?

Sally: That's even sillier.

Evil Glenn: Is this silly?

Sally: What the...? You published an unauthorised book about me? You UTTER B...

Evil Glenn: Biographer! See you in court!


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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

My Eyes!!! 

Let David Hasselhoff put you in a trance.

The comments are pretty funny too.

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Sunday, January 16, 2005

Does this guy do passport photos? 

Probably not. You'd constantly be getting stopped at Customs for looking 20 years older than your picture! Check it out, girls.

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Friday, January 14, 2005

Evil Glenn - US Attorney General? 

I was reading the news today, and wondering whether Prince Philip was feeling proud of his grandson, when it struck me that Evil Glenn's British Counterblogger had posted something on the same (ish) subject!

I searched around for the number for Buckingham Palace, which Liz had scribbled down on a beer mat for us during a "knees up" in the pub one night, and dialled it. I was told to press 7 for "Evil Eye For The Royal Guy Valet Services". I had no doubt who the culprit was:

Sally: Hello? Would you like the position of US Attorney General?

Evil Glenn: Indeed, no! I'm having too much fun here!

Sally: But it's wrong! The majority of British people will be doomed to Google exactly how German the Prince is...Just out of curiosity!

Evil Glenn: Are you saying he'll be discriminated against for wearing the emblems of his ancestors?

Sally: Well it seems he still has a place at Sandhurst afer a double "gap" year.

Evil Glenn: "Gap"! Bah! I told him he should be wearing more appropriate uniform.

Sally: Uniform?

Evil Glenn: Heh. I don't see what's wrong with the position of UberUnterSchlossenTaxenHeimlichManoeuvrenOberinterFuhrehr! I should imagine he's as happy in his job as I am! Look at the havoc I've caused...Your Royal Family are as thick as...

Sally: So you don't want to be George Bush's lawyer?

Evil Glenn: Oh, he does his own P.R. Even I couldn't make him look worse!

Sally: Don't disunderestimate him!

Evil Glenn: Aren't you tired?

Sally; Well now you come to mention it...

Evil Glenn: So you won't be needing transport to Harvey's comment party then

Sally: Oh, go on...Saddle us up a llama and we'll hop to Wisconsin.

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Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Sweet Apple Pork Casserole - Carnival Entry 

It's VW's turn to be the hostess this week, and since Tara is back at school, I have the time to post an entry!

I made this the day Boudicca was due to call me. And it was Christmas Eve, so my mind was all over the place. I decided I'd prep the vegetables ahead of time, but forgot to keep the potatoes in water, so when she called I was like:

"Oh, Hi! Gah! Help! My potatoes are grey!"

I haven't given any proportion guides. The great thing about casseroles is that they're easy to adapt to your personal tastes. If you like a lot of garlic, add more. If you hate mushrooms, or sweet potatoes, (as Alex does), leave them out. But if you don't like your meat on the sweet side, I wouldn't make this!

Anyway. Here's the recipe:

Marinade boned, skinless pork chunks overnight in cider, honey and mustard dressing, with a chopped, peeled cooking apple.

Brown the meat in a flameproof casserole dish using a little oil and flour. Add a clove of garlic, three chopped shallots, a half chopped red onion and a handful of diced mushrooms. Fry until the ingredients start to sweat.

Add chopped carrot, parsnip, sweet potato, celery, leek and red eating apples. (Don't peel them. They give a nice colour and texture.) Drizzle a tablespoon of maple syrup over them.

Crumble a stock cube over the top. Use another stock cube to make the liquid and add as much cider as you can deal with. Sweet cider works best.

Layer thin potato slices just below the surface of the liquid.

Sprinkle with dried rosemary, salt and pepper.

Cover and cook on a low heat, until you have polished off the rest of the cider, and the potatoes and pork are tender.

Serve with warm, buttered crusty bread.

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Satire For Saturday 

Anyone who appreciates the wit and wisdom of the illustrious Sir Peter Maxwell, will surely enjoy the outraged comments made at this site.

(Hat tip to the copy of The Times I stole from the bar at T.G.I Friday's today.)

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Friday, January 07, 2005

Evil Glenn's Windfall: A (Llame) Filthy Lie. 

Alex and I went to our local pub tonight, safe in the knowledge that The Munchkins would have long since drunk their Welfare Check, and wouldn't be there. As luck wouldn't have it, there was a Karaoke Competition going on.

We settled ourselves into a corner and tried to ignore it. Some idiot had obviously taken over, as "Money Money Money", was followed by, "We're in the Money", and "Let's make lots of Money". At first, we thought it was only Harvey, but as we made our way toward the stage, we realised it was much worse! There stood Glenn Reynolds, grinning like a maniac as he body-popped away to "Money", by Floyd.

Sally: Evil Glenn! What the hell are you doing?

Evil Glenn: Celebrating! I could dance until the sun comes up.

Sally: But it's last orders!

Evil Glenn: Indeed! So there's no time for the long dialogues we usually have. Now off with you...before I start to think you have no home to go to.

Sally: Okay, okay, we're going. Won't you at least tell me something I can report back to The Alliance?

Evil Glenn: *Singing* "I like knee socks and sandals, I'm crazy 'bout Penguins..."
Are you two still here? You'd better get back before the deadline if you want to tell Filthy Lies about how I'm spending my cash!

Oh, that wicked, wicked man. Not only would he not tell us, but he chased us all the way home on his moped!

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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Who You Gonna Call? 

Tara has been back at school for two days. Today she came home with a Fire Safety Awareness pack, which I went through with her. As you may know, our Emergency Services are "999", not "911". I'm all for changing it. Tara managed to dial it three times before the age of eighteen months. Maybe she just likes men in uniform. They're not so great when you're getting a lecture because your child has tied up the lines for three seconds, I can tell you. And it's laughable because the response times are stupid here. Really stupid.

Anyway. I agree in principle, so I asked her if she knew the number to dial for the Fire Brigade. She knew. Then I asked her if you should ever, ever dial "999" if there wasn't a real emergency. She replied, "I know! You should call 666 instead!"

I suppose it has a screwy sort of logic to it: "Hello? 666? Just calling to let you know everything's just fine here!"

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