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Thursday, November 04, 2004


Alliance Assignment: A Filthy Lie 

After the harrowing trauma of last week, I wasn't particularly pleased to have Evil Glenn knocking on my door and running away for the fifth time that night. I flung open the door and confronted him:

Sally: Evil Glenn! As you can see, I'm not homeless, and you know I won't invite you in, so would you please, just sod off!

Evil Glenn: Actually, I'm here to deliver a message.

Sally: So why all the running away?

Evil Glenn: Sorry. Force of hab...Here puppypuppypupp...OW! That hurt!

Sally: And leave my daughter alone, or I'll throw another clove of garlic at you! So what's the message?

Evil Glenn: Oh, it's from Harvey.

Sally: Impossible. He's on vacation with Beloved Wife. Jamaica.

Evil Glenn: Indeed not! I believe she took him with her of her own accord.

Sally: [groan] So how'd you get the message?

Evil Glenn: I was just there. Lots of unfortunates over there, what with the hurricanes and all.

Sally: You're sick, Reynolds, taking advantage of the innocent victims of Natural Disasters!

Evil Glenn: What do you mean, "Natural"? My Master and I spent weeks planning those! So. I ran into Harv at the beach. It was a bit difficult to recognise him without the beard of course but...

Sally: He shaved his beard?

Evil Glenn: Why not? He's on holiday!

Sally: And what was he doing at this beach?

Evil Glenn: The usual stuff people do when they're away from the grind of their daily lives...

Sally: Gah! Don't tell me!

Evil Glenn: In Harvey's case, he was watching the screeching happy little children fighting playing on the sand, longing for several of his own...six, at least.

Sally: I can't believe it!

Evil Glenn: ...too distracted by this vision to notice the toned, tanned babes parading around in next to nothing, boobies barely covered...

Sally: Not Harvey! Not ever!

Evil Glenn: Like I said, he's on vacation. All that letching and getting into the Tabloids is just work stuff.

Sally: Really?

Evil Glenn: Yeah. He didn't so much at glance at the dollar bill he tipped me with.

Sally: He tipped you?

Evil Glenn: Sure he did. We even bonded over a Pit-Bull Colada or two. They sure pack a punch! Especially when they're made from the local, um...Whatever. If Frank J had been there, we could've used up all that energy punching him! Harvey's a lot more fun on vacation, you know. He even won a Robot-Dancing competition.

Sally: Rubbish! So what's the supposed "message" he gave you?

Evil Glenn: Oh. It was about this week's Assignment. He said, just because he's away, it doesn't mean you can get away with not doing it.

Sally: But it was a particularly fiendishly difficult one this week and...

Evil Glenn: And?

Sally: Well...I'd much rather tell Filthy Lies about Harvey's vacation, if you must know.

Evil Glenn: I knew I could talk you into that! Muwhahahaha! I'll be off now.

Sally: Oh, you...

Evil Glenn: Messenger!


And he sped off on his moped.


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