Thursday, September 16, 2004

Evil Glenn's Haiku: A Filthy Lie. 

I ran into Glenn Reynolds at Heathrow airport today. Apparently he'd been over here taking care of business. He asked about the latest Alliance assignment, and I told him. Here's the completely made up truth of what was said:

Evil Glenn: Haiku eh? I hope you've got a decent lawyer!

Sally: That's a contradiction in terms, like "British Intelligence"! What do you mean? I can't get in trouble for writing Haiku, for God's sake!

Evil Glenn: That's what you think! There's legislation surrounding that sort of thing, you know. The copyright on that particular poetic form is now held by me. I license it only to other like-minded professionals.

Sally: You're making this up!

Evil Glenn: No I'm not! I have thousands of Sinister Minions working on it as we speak. These guys are just the West Coast faction.

Sally: Oh my God! What will I do?

Evil Glenn: Seven to ten. No bail. Or a $900,000 fine. That's apart from your legal fees.

Sally: But why all the fuss about Haiku? I mean, apart from screwing over regular people to make money.

Evil Glenn: Because Haiku is very sacred to me. It's especially perfect for the busy lawyer.

(He went on to explain in Legalise. I have provided the translation)

1. Brevity. Speaks for itself. Evil Internet Overlords can't be wasting time on too much prose. Indeed!

2. Lawyers love words. Especially words that have layers of meaning, connotation and denotation, where distilling an image to it's essence is crucial...but a little misdirection is allowed, and even encouraged!

3.Rules. Not only are there lots of rules, but they are in dispute, constantly evolving, often misapplied, and frequently attacked beyond all reason.

4. Creation. Lawyers often feel that they don't make or create anything.(Beyond controversy and money that is.)

5. Balance Haiku can help Lawyers achieve the balanced life-style necessary to achieving a happy, healthy and ethical outlook in an unhappy, unhealthy, unethical profession.

Sally: You are a very bad man!

Evil Glenn: Lawy...

Sally: I know! So what do I do?

Evil Glenn: Seven to ten, or...

Sally: GAH! You told me that already. O.K. how about you give me some Haiku? What have you been up to recently?

Evil Glenn:

Bitch-Slapping Frank J
Planning to steal T-Shirt Babe.

Babies are yummy!
They taste better with cream cheese.
Nicer than bagels.

Swooping through the Night.
Breaking That 1 Guy's windows.
Cursing his sneezes.

I wish I hadn't asked...

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