Thursday, August 26, 2004

GlennLand, Tennessee. 

Following hot on the heels of Evil Glenn's success in Vegas, and with the cash flowing in from ticket sales and merchandise, The Litigious One arranged a meeting with his tax lawyer:

Evil Glenn: So what's the scam? How do I hide this source of income?

Tax Lawyer: Well, there'd be a lot MORE to hide if you hadn't insisted on skimming your own profits!

Evil Glenn: Heh. Force of habit. Still, I need to go legit. The Alliance has unmasked me as a 212 year old vampire who's faked his own death several times. Why do you think I'm working for John Kerry? He's doing away with tax cuts for the rich, but he's keeping the breaks for the SUPER rich as a matter of course. But if he doesn't get elected...

Tax Lawyer: Perhaps you could claim to have won the money at the track. Greyhounds maybe..?

Evil Glenn: Imbecile! It was force-feeding my racing dogs that special energy drink that helped me amass my fortune in the first place! Wait! I have the perfect solution. I'll open Chateau Glenn to the public!

Tax Lawyer: Well it worked for Elvis.

Evil Glenn: Indeed! And I've been undead FAR longer than he has. I shall begin preparations immediately.

Fortunately, I have managed to steal the brochure for this soon to be opened tourist attraction. It makes for horrific reading:

"Welcome to Chateau Glenn! From the moment you, the discerning traveller disembark from the cattle car, past the iron gates and into the outer compound, you will be sure of an experience you'll never forget! (Disclaimer: inappropriately-clad persons will be not be admitted... through the FRONT entrance.)

Once inside, you'll marvel at the glorious architecture brick by bloodstained brick! Each one imported from Evil Glenn's ancestral Transylvan European home.

The Portrait Gallery is a "Must-See". You'll notice how the eyes of Glenn's evil ancestor's seem to follow you around the room? As Lord Reynolds says himself: I bricked up dozens of hobos behind the paintings Muhahahaha! "Uh, I mean, now that's what I call Art!"

You'll also find several unique pieces that the family had comissioned, including the penguin version of Rodin's "The Kiss", and Glenn's prized variation on "The Scream", by Edvard Munch.( Note from P.R: Do NOT mention that the slippery bastard has also got the original. He claims that he "just took it back")

Unfortunately, the Historic Dungeons are currently in use being refurbished.

But there's still plenty to enjoy at Glennland!Why not visit the "Medieval Musuem"? Glenn's proud of his antique treasures. And why not? "They're all still in perfect working order!", he boasts.

Several relatively modern pieces are also to be found in and around the Chapel.

Lord Reynolds is also an avid thief collector of new and exciting technology!

Several themed Blenderies exist on the Estate, serving both live hot and cold beverages. You can choose from Classic Commie, French Farmhouse or American Country Cuisine. When you're refreshed and ready to go, why not visit The Ancient Cemetary?!

Why, some of those graves are over Twenty Minutes Years Old!!! If you notice some disturbance in the earth, well, as Glenn says! "It takes a few days for the damn winos to run out of oxygen It's a peculiarity of the soil here."

Also in the Castle grounds is the famous Penguin - Enclosure. Observe as these wonderous flightless arctic waterfowl frolick in their latex bondage gear natural environment!

Lord Reynold's kennels are also well known. It is here that the Glennedon Labradoodle was bred. Combining a hitherto unknown quality of both loyalty and Frenchness, they are, without a doubt very tasty indeed beyond compare!


Contact www.chateauevilglenn for further details of our annual events programme.

Dates and times of Black Mass up at Instapundit as usual.

Admission prices $100 Adults

$50 Children

Special treatment concessions for those currently "between

Dogs welcome.

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