Friday, August 06, 2004

Evil Glenn's Presidential Campaign

In true Movie-Villain tradition, Evil Glenn had a hard childhood, and was constantly mistaken, during adolescence, for the nerdy-looking Mike Mills, from R.E.M. (M.T.V just scares me these days). In time, his maniacal lust for revenge led him to the very top of The Ecosystem, where he wielded the deadly Instalanche with insane abandon. And as if that wasn't enough, he even took to punching our beloved favourite bloggers with his own, gloved two hands!

Now he has his beady eyes on the most fantastic prize of all, The Presidency! But how will he achieve his goal? Well, I have it on good authority that he intends to win the hearts and minds of the American people with the following, diabolical plan:

He's going to play Vegas!

Oh yes. Being a flamboyant sort of character, he's planning to use this venue as a vehicle to bring his Unholy Ideology to the masses! And having certain, influence, shall we say, with shady Mafia Bosses perfectly respectable hotel and casino owners, the Musical Extravanganza that is "Evil! Las Vegas!" is nearly complete.

He's taken Michael Moore on board as Musical Director, and together they have compiled a show to corrupt all that is decent and wholesome in American musicals. According to Frank J, he heard snippets of the songs from his position at the buffet last week. Since Evil Glenn is far too sneaky to come up with an ACTUAL Campaign Slogan (lawyers don't like to commit to anything, especially not in writing), he's doing the subliminal thing:

"Don't get strung out by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by it's cover.
I'm not much of a mortal man, by the light of day
But by night I'm one Hell of a lover LAWYER!
I'm just a sweet Pengosexual!
From Memphis ...Transylvannia!
Let me, show you around, maybe,
Play you some sounds screams
You both look, pretty, groovy homeless..."

Gah! He doesn't even care if the new lyrics scan or not! Apparently he's working on some "Grease" covers too!

"Black Mass....
you saw me standing, alone..
Without a stake through my Heart.
Without a Love penguin of my own"

And this!

"There are worse things I could do.
Than to whack a bum
Or two..."

I'm too shaky to contemplate The Litigious One's take on "Greased Lightning" *shudder*

I dread to think what the merchandising campaign entails, but I hear his opening act consists of a troupe of unfortunate transients that he has had surgically "modified". They no longer have the use of their arms, and do a great version of "Riverdance"!

So there is my Filthy Lie. The Instapundit's campaign slogan would have to be "Evil, Las Vegas!"

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