Friday, August 20, 2004

Evil Glenn's Photo - Album. A Filthy Lie 

I was in the gallery of the Courthouse the other day, laughing at my brother-in-law's vain attempts to impress the judge, when I saw a familiar figure lurking in the shadows. Head bowed deeply in Islawic Prayer, it was wearing a white curly wig and a T-shirt emblazoned with the legend "Objection!" in letters of fire.

Evil Glenn! Looking closely, I could see that he had several heavy books hidden beneath his robes.

Sally: What are YOU doing here?

Glenn: (Somewhat stiffly) I have a perfect right to be here. I'm working on my lawsuit against Grau: Malicious wounding, loss of penguins property, and invasion of privacy .

Sally: So the ad didn't work, huh? What's with the books then? Lets see, "Property of The Old Bailey, do not remove..." What? You're stealing BIBLES?

Glenn: I like to think of it more as liberating.

Sally: But why? Is this some sort of diabolical scheme you've cooked up with Satan?

Glenn: Not at all. It was my own idea! You see, all this "swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God" nonsense goes against my shallowest deepest principles! This Liberal crap could destroy the whole case! And if God gets called to the stand, I'm screwed!

Sally: Well, I can see there may be some conflict of interest there...

Glenn: Indeed! I sometimes wish we could go back to Trial by Ordeal: Die, you're innocent; Live you're Evil, and deserve to die. Ahhh, that was Justice... Heh.

Sally: But trial by Lawyer is MUCH nastier, not to mention more painful.

Glenn: And a hell of a lot more profitable. Did I mention I was suing The Alliance for libel? Especially Alex, the filthy liar.

Sally: Author.

Glenn: Whatever, as soon as you're all in jail I'm going to..

Sally: What?

Glenn: Send your daughter to Harvard. Then I figure I'll stop by Harvey's house for a night cosying up on the couch watching Michael Moore films, then perhaps a quick bite...

Sally: We'll stop you, you know. We always do.

Glenn: Heh. I think not. Take a look at these other books! My precious photo - albums! Heavily tampered - with images of The Alliance in compromising positions. You wouldn't DARE counter - sue. I'll ruin you all! Muhahahahaha!

Sally: Jesus Christ! Which version of Photoshop did you use to get Harvey in THAT position?

Glenn: What? Oh that's just one I stole from his house. Here, look at this picture. My personal favourite. All your faces are quite clearly displayed. What a debauched drunken orgy!

Sally: Comment party.

Glenn: Whatever. You'll never stop me. I'm Glenn Reynolds! I do as I please!

Sally: Can I bribe you?

Glenn: How much? I mean, uh, I'm willing to negociate.

Sally: Here's £3.

Glenn: You must be joking! What can I buy with that?

Sally: *smiling evily*, GAS!

Evil Glenn fled as The Munchkin's moon - face emerged from the darkness, pudgy arms outstretched.

"I wouldn't ask you but..."

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